The other day, the Old Testament reading for Mass surprised me.
Can I be honest? It’s not often that I gain inspiration when reading Lamentations. I would venture to guess I’m not the only one. It’s hard to read without feeling weighed down because there is so much destruction. The people have turned away from the Lord and are facing the consequences. It’s not an easy thing to read.
I’d much rather hear about how our God is full of mercy, or how Jesus healed a blind man, or how Peter walked on water. Give me some feel good teachings and a miracle or two and I’m riding high all day.
But this time, it’s Lamentations chapter 2. As my eyes turn to the passage and I start to absorb the truth being poured out on the page, I feel a stirring in my heart. The author is speaking to daughter Judah and describing her fall from grace. Israel has turned away from the Lord again and is now overtaken by others and cast out of the promised land. Most of the reading speaks in phrases and terms that a woman would relate to, even if she doesn’t want to. Words that will tug at her heart.
“My gall is poured out on the ground because of the downfall of the daughter of my people,
As child and infant faint away in the open spaces of the town.
In vain they ask their mothers,
‘Where is the bread and wine?’
As they faint away like the wounded in the streets of the city,
And breathe their last in their mother’s arms.”
Lamentations 2:11-12
Not feeling uplifted here. No warm fuzzies from the Lord. Yet…
Here I sit, heart ripped open with this description of children looking to the mother for help in a chaotic time. When I place myself in the reading, I can imagine, as a mom, seeing the desperation in my child’s eyes and the trust there knowing mom will take care of him. The pain in my heart feels real, as I understand that I am unable to meet that need. With it comes the knowledge that I am failing my child. That there is nothing I can do to stop what is coming as I hold my dying child in my arms.
Okay, sorry to bring you down too. But, honestly, we are living in some chaotic times right now. Some of us can look at our own cities and see destruction, pain, anger, and the consequences of turning away from God played out in front of us. We have, I’m guessing, had moments where we wonder what the future holds. If we go far enough down a rabbit hole, we can imagine the difficulties that may come our way. Face it, there are other mothers in other parts of the world, who are facing this all right now. We have no guarantee that we won’t have to endure such suffering.
What was the answer for those moms back then? It is the same for us now. “Pour out your heart like water in the presence of the Lord; Lift up your hands to him for the lives of your little ones…” (Lamentations 2:19) It’s not a new message. The prophets tried to warn Israel over and over to stay faithful to the Lord. That is where the true peace and freedom reside. That is where anger and division can be healed. That is where we do not need to live in fear.
All these months of shut downs, isolation, anxiety, and rioting are taking a toll on all of us. I know that we all feel a range of emotions from fear to frustration. The looming one that grabs me is the unknown. Sitting with the Lord in the waiting has been a struggle for me. I see the wisdom in pouring out my heart to Him and leaning in closer to Him as there is nothing I can do to control a silent virus or personally stop violence happening in other places.
But, even as my mind tells me that my small prayers can be a powerful tool, the voices that lie bring lamentations to my lips. I want to weep and ask why He is not stopping this all faster. Why there is so much heartache and confusion in the world right now. And I want to know when it will all end.
I think that is the big one on my heart right now. I bet you are with me in asking, “How long, O Lord? How long?” And following behind that question is one we really need to spend time with.
“Am I strong enough to endure, no matter how long that is?”
Truth? I am not. I am not built to handle unknown stress and fear for an unlimited amount of time all on my own. My body will start to feel ill and my heart will feel oppressed. My mind will start to work out solutions fairly quickly in order to mitigate the issues I face. But, that does not bring relief, because as soon as I solve one problem, another pops up. I know you have this too. It is 2020 after all.
For our family, we’ve dealt with not only a pandemic, polarized political views, shutdowns, lack of supplies, and divisions in our culture, we’ve also had to personally deal with illnesses, depression, heartache, job loss, anxiety attacks, financial difficulties, and so much more. The load has felt heavy at times, no lie.
So, I share all of this today, to say, I don’t know that I have a clear answer. Reading Lamentations made me realize that perspective is important. We are not the first to face trials and these we face now won’t be the last. I can’t control so much of what’s going on and I can’t see into the future to know when it will all end. But, I can remember that the Lord is with me in the present moment. I am reminded to sit at his feet and wait with Him. To bring all that I can’t control to the One who holds it all in His hands. And in my own small way, surrender the things that make me want to lament. To choose joy in each moment.
Cliche? Yea, maybe. But, I will continue to try to “Pour out my heart in the presence of the Lord” with faith that He is listening and holding me close. And unlike the mothers in Israel, this Father can provide what I need to refresh my body. He has provided the “bread and wine” that feeds my soul. So, I will look to Him and rest there. No matter how long this takes.
What do you think?
XOXO,
Barb
Reflections of a Cute Lil Mom 