Who do I think I am? Why would anyone be willing to listen to me?
She would do it so much better. I can’t do this.
Self doubt. Making excuses. I do this more than I’d like to admit.
I call these times my “Moses Moments.”
But, Lord, who am I to do this? (Exodus 3:11)
But, Lord, I don’t know what to say? (Exodus 3:13)
But, Lord, they won’t listen to me. They’ll say I am making this up. (Exodus 4:1)
But, Lord, I stutter and get mixed up when I try to speak. (Exodus 4:10)
But, Lord, isn’t there someone else who would be better at this than me? (Exodus 4:13)
How often do we waste our time and His listening to the wrong voices and believing the lies. Sometimes the voices come from outside, from friends, family, or strangers. But too many times, it’s our own voice that is saying we aren’t enough or that we don’t have what it takes to follow our call.
While studying about St. Hildegard of Bingen with some of my favorite ladies, I was intrigued to learn about her crippling self doubt. Well, to be honest, I was intrigued to learn anything about her. She was a new saint for me. Everything I learned was mind blowing, from listening to her music, reading her visions, and finding out that she was a medieval Proverbs 31 woman who could do just about everything including preaching to bishops. She was a rock star of the 12th Century.
Yet, she doubted. She had the same voices telling her that what the Lord was giving her was not good enough. That she wasn’t enough. This was a woman I could relate to.
It took her 42 years to find her voice and be bold in sharing it. She was a holy and courageous woman, but that didn’t mean she didn’t have her share of Moses Moments. This was part of her story that resonated with me.
I mean I’m 53 and I’ve been on a journey to find my voice. I guess it’s not too late to come into my own and to truly believe that God has a purpose for me beyond what I might have always seen. I am learning what it means to sit at His feet and listen. I’m learning what it means to take what He is telling me to say and use the voice He has blessed me with. I am trying to have confidence and to be receptive to the promptings of the Holy Spirit.
Which is what prompted me to get on here and write. The readings for Wednesday’s Mass reminded me of this important lesson and I had to share what He showed me. I’m thinking someone else may need to hear His voice too.
The 24th of June is a celebration of John the Baptist, so the readings speak of being called by the Lord from birth (Isaiah 49:1-6) and how John heralded his coming by proclaiming a baptism of repentance to all (Acts 13:22-26). John was set apart for a special mission. He found his voice and did what the Lord called him to do, even though you have to know he didn’t fit in. I’m sure he was mocked, ridiculed, and ignored by many that he tried to speak to. And he might have had moments of doubt too, but instead of quitting, he just leaned further into the Lord and kept going.
But, the Gospel story from Luke 1:57-66, 80 was what really hit me. You should definitely read it. But for now, here are the highlights:
Elizabeth: She is an older woman who found her voice at the time of John’s circumcision. She had dealt with being barren for years in a society where that was looked on as a punishment for your sin. She had probably heard many voices that told her she was not worthy of being heard. But, she boldly spoke up in a place where women didn’t speak. “No, he will be called John.” She knew what the angel Gabriel had told her husband. She remained faithful to the promise in spite of the fact that others might not listen.
Zechariah: Luke writes about Elizabeth’s husband, a priest, who had been visited by Gabriel. In vs 13, he hears from the angel that they will have a son and that they were to name him John.
But… here we go. He DOUBTS the Lord. He questions whether it can happen the way the angel says. And because of his doubt, he loses his voice. Literally. Can’t talk until the day of the circumcision. When Elizabeth speaks up, Zechariah then writes on a tablet, “His name is John.” He shows his faithfulness. 9 months too late, but he finally showed up. And when he speaks up, his voice is restored. “Immediately, his mouth was opened and his tongue loosed, and he spoke, blessing God.”
Wow. I was amazed at how this passage was a reminder of the previous day’s lesson. A confirmation of what the Holy Spirit was trying to show me. At whatever age, at whatever stage of life you are, God wants to use you. He gives us a voice and plants seeds of dreams in us. He points to the direction He wants us to go and patiently nudges hoping we will choose to speak up. And our voices are unique to us and needed for a purpose only we can fulfill.
But, when we doubt, our voice is silenced, just like Zechariah.
And when we move out of the doubt, stop with the excuses, and turn our Moses Moments into Faithful Fiats, we will find our voices and speak truth into our world. Our voices will be set free.
Pray with these readings today. See what the Lord is calling you to do and which doubts you need to release in order to let your voice be heard.
Go preach it, sister. The world needs to hear you.
XOXO,
Barb
Reflections of a Cute Lil Mom 