The Mundane Miracles

Dear Jesus,
I think it’s starting to become less foggy and I’m realizing a truth you are wanting me to learn. You are not calling me to a radical change in my life that is seen in outward appearances. This transformation that you are doing in me is internal. It is about my heart and yours becoming more united and connected in a covenant relationship.  

I keep hearing phrases like, 
“Gaze upon the Lord as He gazes upon you with Love.” 

“Love registers in delicate, subtle, movements of the heart.” 

“God works tiny miracles in the mundane of each day.” 

Yes! I hear you speaking to me clearly for brief moments and then those messages get lost in this busy mind. Because here is what I’m learning, Lord. I may simplify my life on the outside, but I must also carefully guard my mind. I think I hear a call from you and I start to rush in with my idea of how it will look. I keep searching for answers and get frustrated when it doesn’t start coming together the way I think or in the timing that I want. Suddenly, my mind has become overloaded and I’ve stopped looking at You. I’ve stopped waiting with You to see how you are working on my heart. And, I start looking for the grand gestures instead of the mini miracles in the mundane. 

I started this journey with you months ago. In rediscovering the Mary within, I began recognizing that I was being called to slow down and sit at your feet, to learn from you and rest with you. This was the better part. Better than the crazy striving after the next thing, no matter how good those things were. 

But after sitting with you for just a short time, I began to get busy again. This time, it was hidden in the outward appearances of searching for Your Will. Do I do this, Lord? Do I do that? Should I stop doing this thing? You seem to want me to do this, but what will happen if I do that? What do I need to do to make this happen? Swirling thoughts tumbling in my mind and making me dizzy and stressed. 

And even though I’ve simplified my life’s responsibilities, I feel at times that in my mind, there are all the ‘what ifs’ and ‘what do I do nows’ fighting to be noticed. Because, I’ve spent years without a truly calm spirit, it seems so hard to maintain the peace I seek. I have a period of quiet and then Martha races back in, forgetting Mary’s peace. 

But you don’t forget me. You reach down and gently remind me.

This weekend, I heard you speak and it rocked me. What were your words to me? So simple and yet powerful. 

“Daughter, this time with me isn’t about discovering the next big thing I’m calling you to do. It’s not about you “doing” at all. There will be fruit to bear in time and that fruit will glorify Me, but right now? Right Now, be still. This is about the small next steps. It is about the relationship between you and Me. 

Focus, child. Look up at Me. See Me and keep your eyes right here. Do you see my loving Gaze holding your sweet face? I love you just as you are. I long to be with you. I long to be noticed by you. I may call you to take some kind of action at some point, but right now, it’s about you and me. 

Come sit at my feet and listen to me. Talk with me. Stop trying to rush ahead. It is a WORTHY USE OF YOUR TIME TO JUST BE WITH ME. You don’t have to always be doing. Just BE. I’ll let you know when it’s time to move and where. Your time of serving as Martha will return, but you have to get this Mary thing down first. Rest, sweet daughter. I’m here. We are in this together.” 

So, okay. I am Yours. I am trusting you. When my mind wants to rush ahead and plan and make changes, I will stop and look at You first. I will fall back in love with everything that radiates YOU. 

Your Word. 
Quiet Adoration. 
Your Body and Blood. 

These things feed my soul and keep me grounded. I can’t put them aside in my striving to do what I think You want. I can’t give them lip service and claim to be doing Your Will. They are required to live out Your call on my life. May I keep them in front of me always. 

And one more thing Lord. Thank you for your patience with me. Thank you for gently reminding me, again, that I don’t just become Mary overnight. That dips and twists and turns happen in this spiritual walk. And it’s okay, because there is joy in the journey and You never stop calling me back. Oh, I just love you. It may be not be Your Agape love yet, but I won’t stop trying. Thanks for accepting my imperfect love and please don’t stop helping me to choose the better part. 

XOXO,
Barb
(Mary in training)

Psalm 37:5 “Commit everything you do to the Lord. Trust Him, and He will help you.”